In the previous post in this series we covered how to identify the source of a malicious rumor in the workplace. Next, let's look at how to approach the situation.
Once you have identified the source of the rumor, it is time to approach them personally. Most petty rumor-mongers will back down once confronted, but there are no guarantees. Some strategies:
Strategy One: Let them lie, then let them off the hook.
When someone has done something terrible to you, such as spreading a rumor that you have a drug problem, it is fairly likely that they will lie about it. Sometimes this can work to your advantage.
"John - I wanted to ask you something, but it's kind of embarrassing...."
"I've been hearing that you've been going around telling people I have a drug problem, but I find it really hard to believe you'd do something like that to me....."
(The other person responds with denials, a red face, demands to know your "source.")
"If you say it's not true I'll leave it at that. But if you hear anyone else spreading that rumor, will you tell them it's wrong?"
Pros/Cons: The downside of this strategy is that by letting the person off the hook you may feel like you're not getting justice. But it can be a very powerful strategy for the kind of people who spread rumors then get embarrassed that they were caught. By confronting them, they'll be embarrassed. Because you let them off the hook, they won't feel cornered. For many people, this strategy will stop the rumors.
Strategy Two: Direct Confrontation.
"John - we need to talk."
"I understand that you've been telling people I have a drug problem. I've heard this from two different people who heard you say so in the staff meeting."
(defensiveness, or denials)
"So you're telling me that you never said this? And that the others are lying? Why would they lie to me? What motive would they have to do so?"
"I wasn't there. But let me be clear, I won't tolerate these kinds of rumors, no matter who is saying them. I have not taken this matter up with my boss (or HR, or an attorney) YET, but I may have to if this persists. But I really hope that won't be required, I hope you understand."
Pros/Cons: This strategy can be risky, as a cornered rumor-monger can behave in unpredictable ways. It's also necessary that you use a tone which is clear and concerned but in no way threatening or intimidating physically. The benefit of this approach is that you are outlining what actions you will take if the person continues to lie about you.
Strategy Three: Retreat with Integrity
In some situations, you might simply be stuck. This can happen when the source of the lies is a very powerful person, such as your boss, a board member, or the CEO. When someone has the control over your livelihood and they won't stop lying about you, the best thing you can do may be to leave with your integrity intact.
These situations don't happen often, but when the power differential is working against you, you may need to walk away. Avoid getting stuck in someone else's game, or playing one-upsmanship. If you do, you may become tarred with the same brush you hoped to avoid.
Pros/Cons: On the down side, you may be coping with a loss of a job you love, and a feeling of defeat. On the plus side, you'll retain your integrity by using the only bit of power you have, the power to leave with your head held high, and to say "I won't put up with this indignity."
Strategy Four: Do Nothing
Pros/Cons: If you do nothing, there is a bare chance that the rumors may dissipate, especially if they are so contrary to your character that no one gives them credence. On the downside, silence can be seen as assent, and the rumors may flourish. Sometimes it's appropriate to "do nothing" for a little while to see what happens, before picking a more direct strategy.
In conclusion, malicious rumors are damaging and difficult to cope with. Evaluate your options and choose wisely. Remember that while this may be a situation, you can continue to act with dignity and respect, and that no one can influence your behavior without your consent.
