The Enlightened Manager: How to Respond to Sarcasm in Meetings

I think one of the more difficult things to deal with in a team environment are those subtle attacks. It's one thing to have an employee lose control and curse you in a meeting, that's pretty straightforward unacceptable behavior. But when you have someone who makes a snide remark every time the team is coming to a decision, or if you have someone who just loves to question every decision you make for the sake of questioning it, it is harder to handle. When comments straddle the line between "feedback" and "rudeness", it's hard to reply in a public way without sounding rude or petty yourself. So this post will offer some strategies for responding to snideness without pulling yourself down in the mean time.

Let's start by looking at some of the reasons why people might make snide or sarcastic comments:

1) They may be angry and don't have a constructive way of expressing it.
2) They may be having an isolated bad day.
3) They may have intimidated former managers, who let the snideness go unchecked.
4) They may be trying to be funny, but it's crossing the line.
5) They may be trying to insult you without taking responsibility for it. ("Oh, can't you take a JOKE?")
6) They may simply be a bad apple.

Option One: Ignoring it. This may be a good option if this kind of behavior is rare, and you think the person is just having an isolated cranky day, AND you don't feel like the team has been harmed. Don't ignore this behavior forever.

Option Two: Calling it out. For example "Sarah, I wish you would save your snide remarks for outside the workplace." The benefit of this approach is that the employee gets a little jolt as they are called on the behavior, and the rest of the team sees that the behavior is not acceptable. The downside to this is that you risk sounding negative too, and if the team thinks that the employees comments are funny or true, you risk being made the bad guy.

Option Three: Accepting the comment at face value. In this example, if someone makes a sarcastic remark you simply listen to the words they say, rather than the tone. For example:

John: "Oh THAT is a brilliant plan" (said sarcastically)

Manager: "Thanks, I think it's a good plan as well...." (turning to move on)

This option can work when the team as a whole is annoyed by the sarcastic behavior. The goal is to not provide a response to the sarcasm, and shake up the employee a little. This is a short-term option, if it doesn't work the first or second time in stopping the behavior, then don't continue to use it.

Option Four: Direct response (Public/Private)

Private Version: Take the employee aside after the meeting and ask them what the sarcastic tone was about. Tell them that it was disruptive to the meeting.

Public Version: When the employee makes a sarcastic comment in the meeting, immediately say something like "Wow, that sounded angry. Tell us what is really bothering you." If they say nothing, continue to pursue it a little. "No, it's important that we hear what you have to say. What is it?" This can have the effect of either bringing out the causes behind the sarcasm (real feedback) or showing the employee that every time they get sarcastic they're going to be asked to explain in the group.

Isn't it wrong to question an employees performance in front of the group? In this case I'd say no. The way one team member operates effects everyone, and it feeds the dynamic. Asking someone to explain themselves in a meeting isn't cruel - it's clear communication. Be direct, but keep your tone polite, inquisitive, and respectful at all times. Responding to sarcasm with more of the same will kill your credibility.

Option Five: Act Surprised

I don't know how I feel about this approach - I admit it seems pretty harsh to me, a bit too close to ridicule. But I've seen it used and so I'm going to tell you about it so you can recognize it when you see it.

When you hear sarcasm, make a show of being surprised. Then say something like "Wow! You think this is an OK way to act in a meeting? Really? (shake your head in amusement/bafflement). Then turn your back on the person and continue as if they had never spoken.

This approach is designed to embarass the person who is being sarcastic by pointing out their behavior and then dismissing them from the conversation. I probably wouldn't use this method - but your decision is your own.

Option Six: Remove Them From the Meeting

If the sarcastic behavior has reached a dramatic level, one strategy is to suggest a break, and then ask the employee to meet you away from the rest. Tell the employee that you've observed they are being disruptive to the group, and you want to talk to them about it, but not now. You'd like them to leave the meeting and you'll talk to them later. When the group re-convenes - just say that the employee won't be joining the team for the rest of the meeting and leave it at that.

So I hope you find these options helpful. Personally, I find the direct response (option four) to be the most practical in most situations. Probably the best thing you can do in these situations is to remain respectful and reasonable and not let yourself get dragged down into the negativity. It's hard to do, but by creating a "no sarcasm" zone in your meetings, it's easier to have real feedback that doesn't feel like knife between the shoulders.

Enlightened Homework: Look at the six options above and ask yourself which one you feel most comfortable with. Is it aligned with your values? Have it at the ready for your next encounter with a sarcastic employee in a meeting.

Comments

That was an enlighting post about a less talked about thing.More often it ends up as a water cooler crib.
There are some team members too, who speak negatively, also because of their experiences in the company, like unmet expectations etc.

There are two things that I see them doing :
1. Talk negatively about the system when we want something to be done.
They say, something like, "here, systems are not being followed" or "systems are not being communicated".This could be a valid feedback but probably not the time for the same! I usually handle this by saying, "Ok, but NOW, what do we do about THIS? " But this behaviour does not stop because of the same

2. Another method,which I find difficult to handle is when, you are talking about one thing, and they use the opporunity to speak about all the other issues pending, and say, "so what have you done about that and that and that?" Here, too,I say politely, "why dont we solve this issue first, we are diverting" ... not that its easy all the time.

But these are only means of dealing with the situation when it comes; these dont help curb the behaviour though.Often, i do have off the meeting discussions on these matters, but then there comes a difficulty in articulating the same. Because i think, more often, the person is not aware that he is making these negative remarks.Continuous feedback would be necessary in making them aware.

Posted by: bombaydosti | January 15, 2008 at 12:20 AM

Hi Cheri,

Another excellent post, quite enlightening! I enjoyed reading your thoughts on why someone might respond with sarcasm and the six options outlined for dealing with a sarcastic comment in a meeting are very useful. I can see how each could be used with different personalities.

Thanks for sharing this fabulous info!

Posted by: Raven | January 17, 2008 at 05:04 PM

BombayDosti -

I think your description of the person who brings up unrelated (or not directly related) issues in the meeting is one that happens quite often. Groups that use a "parking lot" to capture issues that can't be addressed at the meeting have a good way to handle this - they can say "That is a little off topic for this meeting - but it may be important. Let's put it on the parking lot."

Then of course when the meeting ends you need to assign responsibility for the parking lot - but the person who brought it up is often a good one to take up the isssue.

Good points.

Cheri

Posted by: Cheri | January 20, 2008 at 03:29 PM