In consulting you deal with a lot of ambiguity. You're told that the path is to the left, and then when you arrive all the doorways are on the right. What seems clear and aboveboard on a Monday can be in tatters on Tuesday. People both elate and disappoint you. Sometimes it's all to easy to be contaminated - to catch your client's disease.
There are some days, and I've had them lately let me tell you, that to be a consultant feels like walking into a windstorm of confusion and fear. Even when you aren't making these destructive winds - how can you avoid being just another piece of debris in the storm?
Perspective is the answer. You dive into the storm, gather as much intelligence as you can, and then step outside of it. After reflecting and learning, you take another - better dive. Over time you develop your ability to keep that quiet sense of calm within you even while in the midst of chaos.
And it's complicated. Our strengths are our weaknesses. My empathy is at the center of what I do, but it sometimes makes me too pliable when I need to be firm, too ready to take blame when someone wants to dole it out, and too connected to my clients when I need to stand apart as a witness.
And in the cool aftermath in my office or car, I find myself regretting that I wasn't firmer and more direct. I regret my soft-hearted approach to the struggles of others, and my compassion starts to feel like I'm letting others off the hook instead of building accountability. And I question myself.
What to do? Avoid that little screaming voice in the back of your mind that says you are no good, not cut out for this, and take some time to reflect before you dive into the storm - a little wiser next time.
I remain convinced that compassion, courage, and ambiguity remain at the heart of effective consulting. If I did not doubt myself, it would mean that I wasn't questioning. Questioning is how I grow.
So I sit within the heart of darkness, and I learn. Even when my heart is burning and I want to flee, I learn.
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