Greetings friends of the blogsphere. Some of you I know well, and others I don't, but wherever you are I hope you're having a good Monday. It's Sunday night as I'm writing this, sitting in on the beanbag in my dark bedroom. It's been a good weekend. I turned 30, had a great murder mystery party, and laughed myself silly.
Today I wanted to write about how to prepare for difficult conversations. I don't know about you, but occasionally I have to plan for a conversation with someone who I have difficulty communicating with. We each have our own definition of difficult people, and when you need to talk to someone that you find difficult, it can be helpful to do some prep work first.
Here is the checklist that I use to prepare for my most challenging conversations. For me, the most challenging conversations are the ones where I fear I will be attacked verbally, or where I have a high degree of uncertainty as to what will be thrown at me.
1. Write down why you are worried about the conversation. Is is that you don't want to be foolish? Or you are afraid of making a mistake? Perhaps you worry that your reputation is on the line. Get clear on what your worries are.
2. Write down your goals for the conversation. What do you want to achieve? On the flip side, what do you think the other person wants to achieve?
3. Write down what you are worried they might say. For example "I'm worried she will cry." "I'm worried he will attack my work" I think of this as my "worst case scenario" list. Write it down!
4. For each of those scenarios, write down a good response. For example "If she cries, I will say I'm sorry that this upsets you, but it's important that we move forward."
5. If possible, talk your plan through with someone you trust. Do they feel your worries are reasonable, and that your planned responses are fair and strong? Does your plan address your goals and respect the goals of the other person?
6. Say your planned responses out loud a few times. The idea is to develop some "anchor phrases" that you can pull out of your head if your "worst case scenarios" come to life.
7. Just prior to the conversation, re-read your goal. This will freshen it in your mind.
8. Enter the conversation with your goal in mind, and with a commitment to listen. Know that if your "worries" come true, you've prepared some phrases and responses to get you through the tough moments. Instead of focusing on those phrases, focus on listening to the other person.
There probably isn't a perfect way to prepare for difficult conversations. I like this one, because it takes the hysterical worries in the back of my mind and quiets them. By preparing for the worst, I am prepared to relax and be a better listener. I rarely have to use my pre-planned responses.
I hope this was helpful. If you have suggestions for preparing for difficult conversations, leave a comment for the rest of us!
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