The Enlightened Manager

Reflections on the Racism Retreat, Part II

A continuation......

After spending the first day of the Racism retreat feeling confused and frustrated, I wasn't sure what to expect on the second day.  Ultimately, I left feeling less confused and clearer in my thinking than I had been at the end of day one.

The format for day II was an "Open Space" in which participants define discussion topics and then self-facilitate many individual discussion groups.  (I facilitated one, and participated in two other discussions.) You can read more about open space here.

It's hard to quantify everything that happened, but here were some of the key learning points for me.

1) I left day one feeling genuinely perplexed at the anger being expressed by some of the people of color in the room.  On day two, there was a discussion in which many of these same folks talked about what their life experiences have been.  I won't share any of those stories here, they were private.  But let's just say I was genuinely shocked and horrified to hear some of the stories of racism in my "liberal" community.  It became clear that my experience as a white female has been quite different than the experiences of many people of color in my community.  In particular, one comment stood out to me.  One of my peers said that Seattle was the most racist place she'd ever lived.  At least in the south people "knew their places and where they could be themselves" - in Seattle people think they are not racist but they are - so you could never really relax.  Several people of color described living in Seattle as a "draining, exhausting" experience.

I left this discussion feeling like I had been quite naive about what it means to be an American.  My experience is not shared by everyone in my community.  Abuse, unfair treatment, stereotyping, and cruelty are a regular experience in many lives.  Because I haven't recognized this with my own eyes, at first this was hard to accept.

2) So if I could see that I was ignorant on what it can be like to be a person of color in our community, it became easier to understand the anger directed at that ignorance.  When you've been treated like crap much of your life, and you're surrounded by people who act like you are unreasonable and overeacting, wouldn't it be natural to be angry?  Heck, after hearing what I heard, I got angry too!

Perhaps the analogy is of someone struggling to stay afloat in a pool of water.  They call out in frustration to all the people around them floating, and the floaters just wonder why the drowning person doesn't try harder.  But those people floating don't seem to realize they have life preservers.  They just shrug then, because floating is so easy - what's up with those people splashing? Can't they just relax and be like everyone else?

3) So let's say a person of color talks, with emotional vulnerability, about a story in which they've been marginalized.  Then a white person jumps in with some story about when they were overlooked for a promotion at work.  This dynamic becomes deeply offensive to many people of color.  And yet I've done this!  When someone expresses their stories or their pain, and I respond with a version of my own story, it comes across as me saying "My story is like yours"  or "My pain is like yours" which can sound like I am downplaying the other person's experience.  My aim might have been to say "I understand, I empathize" but the hard thing for many people like me to get is that we cannot understand or empathize with what it is like to be discriminated against on the basis of race.  We simply cannot understand.  So when we hear these stories, our role is to listen to what is said and be intentional about not dismissing or "one-upping" that experience.

4) I left the retreat feeling like my eyes had been opened to an uglier world.  While this wasn't pleasant, I realize that my ability to live in ignorance of how people of color are treated is this dynamic called "white privilege."  Now that I have greater awareness, it's my responsibility to educate others and be aware of how I might be subtly contributing to the unfair experiences of people of color in my community.  Whether that is ignoring someone's racist remark (I don't hear many, but I've heard a handful in my professional life) or failing to question why my own social circle is not diverse, it's no longer OK to live only in my world of white privilege.

Have I got "it all figured out"?  No way.  I'm still sorting through what was an emotionally draining and difficult couple days.  I don't write these posts as an expert, but primarily to share some of my reflections as I went through the retreat. 

If you have any comments to add, you are welcome to share them here.  Just keep in mind I'm just a learner myself.  No dogma here, just ideas.

Reflections on the Racism Retreat

Greetings Enlightened Managers,

I'm writing tonight from Silverdale, where I'm an attendee at a two day retreat on the topic of racism.  I'm with a group of 80 or so "up and coming" leaders and we've just closed out the first day.  (This post will go out next week, but it is Friday night as I'm writing this.)

It's been a very thought provoking day for me.  There were plenty of small group discussions about what it means to have courageous conversations, and some dialog about why we do or do not discuss racism with people from races different than our own.  We also watched an amazing video entitled "The Color of Fear" which was profound, challenging, and eye opening.  (A Trailer of the Video is available on Youtube.) 

So I have a lot to think about, and a full day of discussions tomorrow at the retreat.  But tonight I wanted to highlight how difficult it is to talk about racism.  Here are some of my observations for today.

- People were encouraged to speak from the heart. Many complied. Almost continually, one person's words would ignite feelings of anger, shame, or frustration in someone else in the room.

- Despite having a group of well educated professionals all schooled in the folly of making assumptions, there were plenty of assumptions and accusatory statements.  "I'm tired of hearing you complain about...."  "Her statement was racist...."

- I felt like there were plenty of times when people got into circular arguments.  For example:

#1:  I don't feel safe speaking my mind here.
#2:  I really hope that you will speak your mind, I want to hear it.
#1:  Why should I be the one speaking?  YOU speak your mind. 

 - There were plenty of tears, lots of expressions of anger, and plenty of people had emotional reactions without being able to describe why.   This was a common experience.   "I'm mad, but I can't pinpoint why."

- Some people took the opportunity to use the venue as a kind of confessional - talking about racist family or friends, or times when they failed to speak up in the face of racism.  When someone told such a story, most people gazed at the floor, and avoided eye contact.

- There was some interesting talk about how many white people don't initiate conversations about race because there is a feeling of "Since I've not been discriminated against, what right do I have to speak?" or "When I try to speak, I just get into trouble." or "I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing."

And what was my reaction today?  Mostly watch, listen, and absorb.  I participated actively in the small group discussions, and have plenty to think about.   I also admit freely that I was unwilling to speak in the large forum today.  Partially this was because I was still formulating my thoughts, and partially it was from seeing others speak up and then be embarrassed as their comments were turned back on them in a negative way.  I simply wasn't willing to be vulnerable in this group today.

I know that I owe it to myself and others to speak up tomorrow in a way I didn't do today.  I also know (truly) that everyone here today spoke from their own real experiences, and while that caused some pain, that a certain amount of pain is simply part of this process.  No bad intentions that I sensed, but that doesn't mean that there were not ill effects.

No answers today friends.  Just plenty to reflect on. 

Coming Soon: Reflections on the Racism Retreat, Part II

When Someone Stirs the Pot - Working with Troublemakers

Have you ever worked with someone who likes to stir up trouble, provoke others, or instigate conflict?  It can be a challenge.  Left unchecked, this kind of behavior can poison an entire team.

A few warning signs:

* Someone who plays on the weaknesses of others, or 'baits' people to act inappropriately.
* Someone who uses inappropriate language or comments to draw attention to themselves in a group.
* Someone who is often at the periphery of any conflict.
* Someone who takes a negative rumor or opinion and spreads it doggedly throughout the team.
* Someone who is often away from their workstation, chatting, spreading rumors, and building power coalitions.

Why do these people behave like this?  There are probably many reasons, but I suspect that often it comes down to unmet needs.  If you work with someone who craves attention, power, or influence, these behaviors may be the outcome.  Without any intent to be disrespectful, this kind of behavior reminds me of that of young children who are testing limits.  When kids act this way and they are disciplined, they recognize that such tactics will not get them what they want.  We can take a lesson from good parents in dealing with this behavior in the workplace.

Tips for managing a troublemaker:

1) Stop feeding the beast.  - Work to eliminate the attention that this person gets from their poor behavior, or to give that attention an unpleasant flavor.  For example, ask your staff to "not take the bait" when this person throws out a challenge or snide comment.  You might also consider toughening your body language if the behavior persists.  Shooting this person a cool glance, pausing, and then continuing as if they hadn't spoken may be a bit harsh, but it does send a message that you won't be snared in dramatics.

2) Address behavior immediately - When you see one of the behaviors listed above, quickly pull the person aside and offer constructive feedback.  Don't let things slide.  You can also engage in a meaningful discussion about cause and effect.  "Jim, why did you make that comment to Sarah today?"  "Well, this is the effect it had.."  Be firm, but also use the moment as a teaching moment.

3) Reward positive behavior - Feed the need for attention in positive ways.

4) If problems persist, take a "Time Out" to get serious -  For example "Mark, I need to talk to you because your behavior is out of line.  You've become the team troublemaker, and this isn't going to fly.  (List several concrete examples.)  This is what I need you to do from now on: (List expectations).  If you cannot make these changes, I recommend you begin looking for another position."

5) Don't Delay -  I always think it's best if you give people a chance to succeed and turn things around.  However, when it comes to dealing with a workplace "brat" it seems to be more advantageous to take a firm line.   Give people a chance to improve, lay out the expectations, but don't let things drag on.  One troublemaker will sap your time and demoralize the rest of your staff.   If they can't turn things around and act like a responsible adult, it's time to manage them out before they damage the rest of the group.  You can't fire your kids, but as a responsible leader you may need to fire someone who keeps bringing gradeschool antics into your workplace.

Do you have any tips for working with troublemakers?  Leave a comment!

It's our 300th Post! - Management Freebie

Today marks the 300th post on the Enlightened Manager, and it's time to say "thanks" to those of you who make writing this blog a meaningful experience.

One of the things we've talked a lot about on this blog is communication, and the many ways that ineffective communication can hurt an organization.  A lot of the work that I do with clients revolves around the challenges of giving feedback when things are not working well.  It's one of those things we all know we should do, but implementation is hard.

I've developed a little tool that I use with my clients, a pocket sized business card that has a feedback script on one side, and a sample of constructive feedback on the other.  It's the perfect thing to pull out of your wallet or drawer when you need to prepare for a difficult conversation.  I've already given away 500 of these cards to my clients, who keep asking me for extras.  They're a great coaching tool.

To celebrate our 300th post, I invite you to email me with your name and postal address.  To the first 50 responders, I'll send you a set of 5 of these feedback cards.  US addresses only please, or for those of you outside the U.S. you can still participate if you send me a SASE.

As always, if you have any suggestions on how we can improve the blog - don't hesitate to say so!

Cheri Baker
Emergence Consulting
Seattle, WA

How *not* to treat others - Lessons in business etiquette.

How are you perceived by the people who walk into your office?  Are you welcoming, trustworthy, and open?   Here are some of the things I've seen over the past few months.

1.  "I'm listening.... (not) really."    I recently attended a meeting where a leader asked me to provide her with information on a sensitive employee issue while her back was turned to me, she was on the phone, and she was typing on her computer.   I actually had to tell her that I would wait until her attention was free, which seemed to surprise her.

2. "Get outta here already."   I have one past client who would always leap out of his chair at the conclusion of our meeting and begin furiously working on another task.   I'd be halfway out of my chair and he'd already be on another task, no goodbye, no eye contact. 

3. "Sorry, I need to cancel, again."   We all have situations where we need to reschedule a meeting.  No shame in that, when conditions require it.  But after the third difficult reschedule with three different admin assistants involved, I decide that enough is enough.  Or you drive for an hour to a meeting to find someone asking you to reschedule when you arrive.

4. "I got what I need - now leave." I volunteer for a few organizations, and on behalf of one of them I go and meet with new members to orient them.  I was recently invited to visit with a new member, who left me waiting for 10 minutes after our appointment time, rapid fired questions at me for 5 minutes, and then quickly ushered me out the door.

5. "Accountability is a one way street."  I know some leaders who expect a returned phone call within 1 hour, but have no hesitation about leaving others a week or more without a reply.  What is up with that?

I'm not the only one experiencing these issues - I hear quite a bit about them from my peers and clients.  And yes, whenever it is appropriate to do so, I share my observations with the parties involved.  I mention these things  here because I think that they are common failings in business etiquette and most of us do them from time to time. 

Some tips for being gracious in business:

1. Be Present - When someone is in your office, give them your full attention.  Don't multitask.

2. Transition Politely -  Welcome people with a smile, and if appropriate, a handshake.  Offer a friendly "Goodbye" and eye contact as someone departs your office.  In all but the most informal meetings, standing as people arrive and depart shows respect.

3. Limit Rescheduling - If you must reschedule, do it only once.  Avoid "bumping" people for "more important" meetings as much as possible.  If necessary, schedule "less important" meetings during your non-peak times of day.  To eliminate the endless back and forth of email scheduling, reschedule via phone.

4. Be a Gracious Host -  If someone comes to see you, offer some human interest in them.  This can be as simple as a sincere "How are you doing today?"  Ensure that others don't feel like you are merely "using them" for what you need.

5. Treat others the way you would like to be treated.  -  Yes, this one is as old as the hills.   Think a moment though - is it really fair for you to expect a higher level of service and respect than you offer others?  Sure, you can use your power and position to enforce this temporarily, but it doesn't reflect well upon you.

6. Be on Time, and Be Prepared.  Yes, we have emergencies.  But if you are chronically 5 minutes late to your meetings (as seems to be the style these days), reconsider. 

Some thoughts for today.  If you are already doing all these things- good for you!  If you, like most of us, fall short on one or two, take a moment to get your house in order this week.

Sometimes the little things make a big impression.

Staying Sane in CrazyTown - Strategies for Balance

I'm realizing that it is Wednesday already and I haven't got around to blogging this week.  Lots of good stuff going on.  I remember back when I first started Emergence Consulting and I was envious of people who were in that stage of business where they were "too busy with business to work on the business."  When you're a shiny new entrepreneur, the prospect of being busy sounds too good to resist.

Well, now I'm at that stage of feeling 'too busy working in my business to work on my business' and any envy has evaporated.  Here are some snapshots from my week:

- Pausing in the middle of an eight hour training-prep marathon to take down information on a new project, and wondering when you'll find the time to write up the proposal - probably over the weekend.

- Running out to Kinkos at 5pm to make copies for the following day's employee development session.

- Looking wistfully at the half a dozen writing and business development projects that you just *know* will be awesome - when you find time to do them.... someday.

- Rehearsing portions of a talk in between bites of lunch, and shopping for rubber chickens (Yes, they are for work - I kid you not.) on your way out to dinner on Friday night. 

- Watching your business development activities get curtailed because you want to spend that extra time on your current clients - making sure they are delighted.

So what do you do when you are too busy getting things done to see the big picture?  As for me, I know what to do but I get busy and unfocused.  Too much firefighting and not enough forest management. (so to speak) Time to refocus.  Here are some strategies that I'll be using to stay sane in crazytown.

1. Prioritize - Take your to-dolist and prioritize it.   Second Tier Items get delayed indefinitely.  (For me, this often means canceling networking events & business workshops that look interesting but that I don't critically need ....)

2. Focus on Sleep & Exercise - Poor Sleep and lack of Exercise exacerbate the feeling of being overwhelmed.  I've gone through my calendar and added a daily gym appointment so that I can't use the "no time" excuse. 

3. Revisit Goals - When you're stuck in a work vortex, revisiting your goals (business goals, performance goals) can help you make sure you're doing the RIGHT work.  I've printed out my goals and will be reading through them tomorrow to refocus.

4. Block Time for Strategic Projects - How can you address your longer term goals if you never set aside time to work on them?  I'm blocking out a couple half-days in March to work on some of my longer term projects that have not gotten enough attention.

5. Chunking Similar Activities - This notion comes from productivity guru Tony Robbins.  By placing similar items together, you'll save time.   For example, I'll be spending an hour tomorrow morning handling ALL my email and scheduling related tasks, then I'll close down my Outlook and ignore my email so I can work on another project.  Letting email interrupt you every 3 minutes is a sure way to get nothing done.

6. The Daily List -  This one is a lifesaver for me.  Each evening I take out a sticky note and write down my priorities for the next day.  The most important item is at the top, with other items below.  Over the day, I work through those items in order, using small "mental breaks" to complete tasks like filing and/or data entry.  Then when I complete my sticky note, I check the boxes and recycle it.  That is my "all clear" signal to stop and enjoy my evening, or if I'm done early, the rest of my day.

7. Take a Day Off -  It seems counter intuitive to take a day off when you feel too busy, but paradoxically the time off will add to your productivity.  I have a day off planned to go shopping with my sister, and it's going to be great to head out of the office for a day of goofing off at the mall.

So that is my plan.  I'm going to re-embrace these strategies and reduce my stress level and increase my productivity.  Writing this article has helped me remember what is important, so you've helped me simply by being a reader.

Do you have any tips for staying sane in crazytown?  I'd love to hear them.

Texture, Smell, and Taste - Your Secret Weapon

Heaven knows that when you enter an employee development session or a meeting the deck is stacked against you.  Both meetings and training sessions are known for being dull, stressful, or both.  The idea that people come to these events willingly is often wishful thinking.

Here are some tricks you can use to change mindsets in meetings or employee education:

• Don't Suck.  - OK, this one is a bit flippant but no amount of facilitatorial* trickery is going to compensate for a terrible meeting.  So start by learning how to be a good facilitator.  That's basic.
• Offer Chocolate - Chocolate (Dark is best) creates alertness and contentment via it's effect in the brain.  Chocolate can also activate the part of the brain that says "something good is going to happen."  Click here to read more about chocolate and the brain.  I like to put a single piece of chocolate on each chair at the start of a session to kick off good brain activity.
• Use the smell-memory connection- I like to use Play-Doh because the smell brings smiles and reminds us of the playfulness and creativity of youth, exactly what I want to create when I work with a group.  What other smells might you try?  Fruit scented markers and paper covered tables for doodles are another popular idea.
• Use Texture- I have a big purple ball that I use in meetings with an interesting texture.  You can also incorporate other textures, like hacky sacks, prickly items, etc.  Use these to "pass the baton" in conversations or just to exercise nervous fingers.  People like to touch and squeeze these items, and that sense of expectation and curiosity will keep your group awake and engaged.

In the end, no number of tricks are going to compensate for bad leadership, lame content, or a poorly run meeting.  But if you are already hitting the basics of good group management, these "tricks" can turn a regular meeting into something a little better.

Be creative. Have fun.  And don't hesitate to be facilitatorial*.  (OK, I made that word up)

Accountability means Making Commitments

Today is an office day.   I'm sitting at my desk at home, listening to the hum of the furnace and watching my cats wrestle with office supplies on the floor.  (Perhaps this is a hint of some kind?)   I'm putting together an employee development program for one of my clients on the subject of workplace accountability.  It's an interesting subject, in part because it's one of those vague topics that people have a hard time communicating to adult learners without devolving into some kind of condescending lecture on responsibility.  So while I'm thinking the subject through for my client, I wanted to write a little bit about Accountability today.

When it comes to accountability, one is tempted to say "Do what you say you are going to do" and close the book on the subject.  After all, that is what accountability comes down to, right?  You either meet your commitments or you don't.

I like to break it down a bit further because accountability is more complicated than it seems. After all, if it were not, why would accountability be such an issue in so many organizations?   Here are some of the complicating factors:

• People think that accountability = getting in trouble if you fail.  (A faulty understanding based on fear rather than integrity.)
• Expectations on individual and team accountabilities are often unclear.
• We often have accountabilities that conflict with each other.  (The conflict between work and family is a classic example.)
• We establish what people are accountable for, but they may not have the training, tools, or time to deliver.
• We send mixed messages about what people are accountable for, saying one thing but then rewarding/punishing upon an entirely different set of criteria.
• We put the burden of "holding people accountable" either entirely on individuals or entirely on management, rather than creating a balanced system.
• When people fail, we ignore it.
• When people succeed, we ignore it.
• We are unable to explain or coach on the differences between individual and team commitments.

Here is a first step for understanding accountability.  To be accountable, begin by making a public commitment to complete your task or goal.  Doing the work is not enough, it is better if you communicate in advance what you are going to do.

For example: It may be nice that you solved your customer's question within 24 hours, but it would have been better if you had said up front "Ms Customer, I'm going to research this issue and get back to you within 24 hours."  That way both you and the customer are aware of the commitment, and the foundation for accountability has been laid out.

If you want to boil accountability down to simple actions, here they are.

1. Say what you are going to do.
2. Do it.
3. If you fail, own up to it.
4. Fail infrequently.  (Have a high standard.)

Plenty of hard working people regularly get the work done (#2) but without making commitments (#1)

Commit!  Commit to the people or persons that you are accountable to.  Teach them they can rely on you by taking a stand up front.

If you are already doing good work, this simple action will increase the trust others have in you.  Give it a try, and drop me a note if you'd like to share how it went.

Now, back to work for me.  After all, I have a commitment to meet....  :)