Hey Enlightened Managers,
I wanted to write today about a little thing that can have big consequences - the tempting idea of managing our conflicts over email instead of picking up the phone.
Do you ever find yourself trying to manage a disagreement over email? Here is a small example of how email disagreements often begin:
A: "I'm not sure this is a good idea."
B: "We decided to do this because...."
A: "I think it's important that we.... I'm not sure we're addressing...."
B: "I agree that we do ..... BUT we also need to....."
STOP! Do not pass Go! Do not engage in the folly of managing disagreements, negotiations, or conflict over email.
Why?
1. With a conflict, emotions can easily be involved, and we can't read emotions over email.
2. We can't use things like body language, tone of voice, to assist with our conversation.
3. It is difficult to LISTEN over email. We can read the messages, but asking good questions and listening fully (with ears, eyes, brain) is not possible.
4. There is something about email that tends to put people in one-upsmanship rather than finding common solutions.
I can't tell you how many times I've seen an email-debate escalate, only to find that when the parties pick up the phone or sit down together the issue gets resolved quickly and amicably. In short, email tends to worsen a disagreement, not resolve it.
So please please please - use email for setting up meetings and exchanging data - NOT for managing differences. You'll have better outcomes, and fewer hurt feelings to soothe.
Cheri Baker offers workshops on conflict management and effective email for the workplace.
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