The Enlightened Manager

That Stinks! How to talk about Body Odor in the Workplace.

Have you ever had an employee who was on the stinky side?  As odd as it may sound, I get this question from managers pretty regularly.  "What do I do when I have an employee with body odor?"  Or sometimes it happens that other staff are complaining to you about the smell of a coworker.

I actually used to use this an an interview question when hiring HR people.  When you have the ability to talk about such a sensitive subject with both directness and politeness, that is the mark of a professional, in my opinion. :)

Step One: Attempt to verify the facts.  No, this doesn't mean that you stick your nose an inch from the employee and inhale deeply.  That sounds  like a good way to be seen as a pervert.  No, simply spend time near the person and breathe normally.  Is the issue real?

Step Two:  Talk to them using a script like the one below:

1) (Name), I have something to tell you, but it is difficult because I don't want to embarrass you or make you uncomfortable.

2) I've noticed on a few occasions that you have noticeable body odor.

3) I assume that you are not aware of this, and I wanted to tell you discreetly so you can figure out what is going on and take care of it.

4) I figure if I were in your shoes I'd want someone to let me know, so that  is why I'm speaking up.

5) Thanks.

The key to this is to simply put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself how you'd like to be treated.  Being stinky isn't really a performance issue, unless the person refuses to address the problem.  Be polite, be discreet, and don't make a big stink about it.  :)

Cheri Baker offers programs and coaching to teach leaders how to communicate in stinky sticky situations.  For more information on how she can help your company, visit her website.

 

 

Two TV Shows to make you a Better Leader

Television.  We love it and we hate it.  But can it make us better leaders?  In some cases, I suspect the answer is yes.  Here are a few TV shows that, while not perfect, can provide some educational value for leaders of all stripes.

Undercover Boss- This show is like chicken soup for the consultant's soul.  CEOs go undercover in their own organizations and discover what it is like on the front line.  While the endings are a bit "pat" and over-sweet, it's fair to say there is some good that comes from stepping off the executive pedestal and getting some real information.  Executives are often isolated from data, and this show is a neat demonstration of what can happen when the blinders are removed.  Watch it here.

The Apprentice- Say what you will about Donald Trump, he's a force to be reckoned with.  I enjoy his brash and no-nonsense style, and when you read his books, you can see that his unflinching eye isn't only turned on others, but himself as well.  The apprentice is a great show specifically because you can watch people in action - see the dynamics unfold, and observe how different strategies influence group success.  Who listens?   Who is directive?  How does it go?  Fascinating.  I particularly enjoy watching what happens when people avoid conflict in the groups. (hint: It tends to come busting out later on)  Some videos are online.

For lighter fare, the Office is good (Michael is the perfect example of the lovable boss who rarely gets it right), and for those entrepreneurs out there, Shark Tank offers some good questions to consider when evaluating business ideas.  (I enjoy the classy and unstoppable Barbara Corcoran.)

Have you watched another TV show or movie that has been educational from a leadership perspective?  I'd love to hear about it.

Herding Cats: Tips for Facilitating Big Groups

Hey Everyone.

One of the trickiest things about getting groups of people to work towards shared goals is the idea of how to facilitate meetings.  My opinion is that most meetings are dull, soul-sucking events that accomplish little, so I've developed strategies to facilitate meetings of all kinds.

Here are some general tips, some of which that might surprise you.

1) Use Clear Questions - Have you ever had a group of 40 people discussing an issue and then when you report back it's like they all heard a different interpretation of the issue?  As a facilitator, you want to give people a very clear and specific question to consider.

Tip: If the question isn't clear - talk about that first!

2) Parcel Things Out as you Need Them - When you give people a pen, they want to write.  When you give them a piece of paper, they want to read.  When you give them a task, they want to complete it.   The trick is to give people things only when they need them.  If you want a group to discuss a question and present 3 answers, ask them to have the conversation FIRST, and then towards the end ask them to write down 3 answers.  Otherwise the quest for answers will impede the quality of the discussion!

Tip: Go one step at a time.

3) Begin Easy, End Hard-  Begin your meeting with something easy.  Gradually move into more difficult questions.  In team building, I begin with a super-easy set of introductions, but by the end of the day I am asking people to do more self-disclosure and presentation.  Give people a chance to get comfortable in the room.  Asking for a difficult discussion to happen first thing may shut people down.

4) Manage the Energy Level - After the lunch hour, meetings are enhanced by physical activity and more frequent breaks.  Get people up and moving after mid-day.

5) Use a Big Group-Small Group-Big Group rotation.  Introduce a discussion or activity in the large group, break into small groups for lively discussion, then debrief in the big group.  This structure allows the group to make shared-meaning, without the energy-suck that can occur when you're doing a big group discussion for long periods.

6) Sleep! - Facilitation requires a lot of physical energy.  You are not only presenting, but you are watching a big group of people on multiple levels.  Who is engaged?  Who wants to speak next?  Did everyone understand the question?  What is the body language?   This kind of "paying attention" can be as tiring as a day working on a farm.  Come to your event well rested and with some food in your stomach.  Remind yourself to stay hydrated. 

What are your tips for facilitation? :)

Cheri Baker is a professional facilitator and trainer located near Seattle, WA.

Bringing a New Team Together: Tips for the Initial Meetings

Hey Enlightened Managers,

I'm working on a really great project this month, designing a day of team building to bring a brand new team together.  The team building is part of a week of training that comes before a brand new healthcare facility is opening.  The leaders are top notch, the new facility is gorgeous, and I'm just excited to be part of it.  It's also got me thinking about what it takes to begin bringing a team together.

Most of you will be familiar with the stages of team development: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing.   Team formation is a big deal, because it is where people begin to form norms and assumptions about each other.  Those "unwritten rules" will be your allies or enemies, so why not be intentional about making good norms?

For those of you bringing together a brand new team for the first time, here are some tips:

1) Set the stage for respect and liking - We work well with people that we like and respect.  Setting this up might be as simple as giving people a chance to do an activity together that feels good.  Encourage discussion of personal information, hobbies, family, and friends. 

2) Make careful use of self-disclosure -  When we disclose personal or important things about ourselves and we feel welcomed and supported, it increases our trust level with a group. This could be something like "Tell us about one of your "big dreams" for your life or career."

3) Model, Model, Model - Is your leadership style participative, or authoritative?  Do you want people to speak freely, or go through a certain chain of command?  How do you expect titles to be used in your company?  How important is punctuality?  How will you respond when someone makes a mistake?   Think of your initial team meetings as an opportunity to model the way things will be.  Your "first impressions" will become the unwritten rules for your group. 

4) Use a Fun Challenge- Give your team a challenge to complete, and observe the dynamics that take place.  Who are the natural leaders?  Who tends to hold back?  Doing this in a teambuilding context gives you a chance to share your observations and ask individuals to think about what part they are playing in the team dynamic?

5) Talk about Success Factors - What makes a team successful?  What makes a team unsuccessful?  Talk about these things, and consider doing a little skill-building around key items like giving feedback.

These are just a few of the things I'm bringing in as part of creating a new team.  I hope you found them helpful.

To get in touch with me about facilitating a teambuilding for your organization,click here.

The Courage to Talk about Trust

Have you ever noticed that it can be hard to talk about trust problems when trust is low?  Talk about a catch-22; when you don't trust your boss or coworker to listen to you, it's difficult to open up a dialog about it.

My clients frequently find themselves in this position.  They say "Yes, I don't trust my boss, but I am not willing to talk to him about it, because I don't trust him."  Then the cycle just continues round and round.

I suppose the hard thing, both for people in this situation and the coaches like me who work on it, is that the work of restoring trust always requires an initial act of courage.  Someone has to be the one to say "This is hard to do, but I'm going to give them an opportunity to make it right, and I'm going to open the door for those hard conversations."

Courage involves risk, it involves uncertainty, and once in a while, it involves the ability to set your fears aside and do what seems really really hard.

The hardest thing as a consultant is that you can't make that decision for your client.  You can provide support and assistance, but you can't make that crucial decision FOR them.  When trust is so low that there is no willingness to heal it, no willingness to open that dialog, there is little that a coach or adviser can do.

Except the usual.  Listen.  Be there for the person.  Offer another viewpoint.  Be pointedly honest.  Be kind.

I can't help every client make the choice to restore and repair trust.  But I can be sure that when they are ready, I'm there to help provide a few stepping stones to close what seems like an impossible gap.

It's good work, hard work, and most days it is an absolute joy.

Have you ever found it hard to be willing to trust a coworker or boss again?  If so, was there anything that someone could have done to help you in that situation?

Lessons from Hospice:

Hey there Enlightened Managers.

I've not been the world's best blogger the past few weeks.  Despite the fact that I am thinking of you all often, and itching to write, life has thrown a few curveballs lately.

One of those is the reason why I'm currently tapping away on my computer at the Phoenix airport, on my way home from a weeklong visit with my dying grandmother and her husband.  We knew that her time was short, but we were surprised to find that she was moved to hospice just hours before we arrived.

So many things run through my mind, it is hard to say which ones I'd like to share with you.  Should I talk about how beautiful and sad it was to see my grandfather teasing his wife into eating when she didn't feel like it?  Or how her unstoppable spirit and wit continue to shine through even as the cancer is slowly working into her brain?  These are all important things I think, but I'm not sure I'm ready to write about them yet - or if this is the place to do so.

One thing I did want to write about here is the difference between hospice and a hospital, and the kind of environment they create.  Here are some of the things they do differently:

* No visiting hours - open 24 hours per day.

* No restrictions on food.  They provide meals, or you can bring in food from home.

* No restrictions on visitors.  Pets, friends, family, all welcome.

* Support for the dying, and support for the family.  A social worker is there to talk about options, clergy come by to visit, and volunteers and nurses are always available.

When my mother-in-law passed away several years ago, it was a traumatic experience for everyone.  She was frightened and so were we.  No one knew what to expect.  Being involved with a hospice for my grandmother has been an entirely different experience.  It is still difficult, but there is an environment of caring and support.

I'm not sure what lessons there are to take from this, except that the hospital that served my mother-in-law and the hospice serving my grandmother both had good missions, and they were both filled with good people - yet they produced vastly different experiences.

I think that this hospice's leaders asked "What kind of an environment will best fulfill our mission?"  Not simply pain management, but the bigger picture.  I appreciate that perspective.

Although my work is not like the work of hospice (and yours may not be either) I can appreciate their wholistic view of service. 

Even in the ickiest of times - there is always something to learn, right?

Email: A Terrible Way to Manage Conflict

Hey Enlightened Managers,

I wanted to write today about a little thing that can have big consequences - the tempting idea of managing our conflicts over email instead of picking up the phone.

Do you ever find yourself trying to manage a disagreement over email?  Here is a small example of how email disagreements often begin:

A:  "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

B:  "We decided to do this because...."

A:  "I think it's important that we....   I'm not sure we're addressing...."

B: "I agree that we do ..... BUT we also need to....."

STOP!  Do not pass Go!  Do not engage in the folly of managing disagreements, negotiations, or conflict over email. 

Why?

1. With a conflict, emotions can easily be involved, and we can't read emotions over email.

2. We can't use things like body language, tone of voice, to assist with our conversation.

3. It is difficult to LISTEN over email.  We can read the messages, but asking good questions and listening fully (with ears, eyes, brain) is not possible.

4. There is something about email that tends to put people in one-upsmanship rather than finding common solutions.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen an email-debate escalate, only to find that when the parties pick up the phone or sit down together the issue gets resolved quickly and amicably.  In short, email tends to worsen a disagreement, not resolve it.

So please please please - use email for setting up meetings and exchanging data - NOT for managing differences.  You'll have better outcomes, and fewer hurt feelings to soothe.

Cheri Baker offers workshops on conflict management and effective email for the workplace.