The Enlightened Manager

Fire the Customer! The Case for Partnership vs. Subservience.

If there is one saying I hate, it’s that the “customer is always right.” Even beyond the logical absurdity of the statement, it creates a feeling of insincerity. No one is always right, and pretending makes liars out of us.

Sometimes the customer is wrong. Sometimes they are simply asking for what you are not able to offer. Sometimes a customer can be abusive, and sometimes a customer needs to be fired.

One of the great lessons of consulting is that it teaches you to work in partnership with others. My clients have needs, and it’s my job to meet and exceed them. I also have needs, things like good communication, respect, and timely payment, and it’s my clients’ responsibility to meet those. Neither one of us is subservient to the other. There is no bowing and scraping. It’s about a beneficial partnership between adults.

When we create an environment where the customer is always right, we are setting up a power imbalance that doesn’t respect our businesses or our people. We become yes-men instead of partners. We ask our employees to accept that they won’t be respected, and that respect isn’t necessarily deserved. We tolerate “bad business.”

I encourage you to retain the right to fire your customers. If you must do so (and I know it happens rarely) you should of course do so with respect and courtesy. The customer who shouts at your staff? “It sounds like you’re angry with us. I’m very sorry to hear that. Perhaps it’s best if you get your (service) elsewhere.” The client who never pays on time? If they can’t mend their ways, it’s time to part ways, or to require payment in advance.

I know not everyone will agree with me, and certainly in these “economic times” (that phrase is becoming a tired cliché) it’s hard to let dollars go. But I do encourage you to focus on good business, and let the bad business go. This world is 97% good people and 3% (insert non-business appropriate language). Serve the former with all your heart. Let the latter go, and don’t feel bad about it for a second.

Agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear.

Cheri Baker, MA, SPHR is the President of Emergence Consulting. Emergence Consulting's services include Management Coaching,  Leadership Development, Team Building, Customer Service and Communication Skills Training and Strategic Planning in the Seattle, WA area.

More information on her programs can be found:http://www.emergenceconsulting.net

 

Staying Ahead of the Demand Curve

According to the news, this year’s Black Friday shopping day set a new record.  How can we reconcile this with the doom and gloom news about the economy?  And what does it mean for us as leaders?

It means that generally by the time there is a “consensus” that the economy has recovered, it is probably going to be too late for us.  Too late for us to staff up appropriately.  Too late for us to build competent managers.  Too late for us to train staff in customer service.

When we wait for the “all clear” we may be missing opportunities.  When your customers are lined up thick outside your door or on hold on the telephone, you want to be ready to kick butt and take names.  If you’ve been holding back on getting ready because “the demand isn’t there” it’s probably time to get off the sidelines.

Growth requires infrastructure.  It requires talent.  Skills. People.  Knowledge.  Systems.

Recessions stink, but I’m already seeing the wave turn.  Certainly we have not gotten the all clear yet.  But why wait?   Let’s prepare for growth.  Let’s be ready for that big wave of demand, because I think it’s going to be here sooner than we think!

Of course this is just one opinion.  What is yours? 

_______________________

Cheri Baker, MA, SPHR is the President of Emergence Consulting. Emergence Consulting's services include Management Coaching,  Leadership Development, Team Building, Customer Service and Communication Skills Training and Strategic Planning in the Seattle, WA area. More information on her programs can be found: http://www.emergenceconsulting.net

Email: A Terrible Way to Manage Conflict

Hey Enlightened Managers,

I wanted to write today about a little thing that can have big consequences - the tempting idea of managing our conflicts over email instead of picking up the phone.

Do you ever find yourself trying to manage a disagreement over email?  Here is a small example of how email disagreements often begin:

A:  "I'm not sure this is a good idea."

B:  "We decided to do this because...."

A:  "I think it's important that we....   I'm not sure we're addressing...."

B: "I agree that we do ..... BUT we also need to....."

STOP!  Do not pass Go!  Do not engage in the folly of managing disagreements, negotiations, or conflict over email. 

Why?

1. With a conflict, emotions can easily be involved, and we can't read emotions over email.

2. We can't use things like body language, tone of voice, to assist with our conversation.

3. It is difficult to LISTEN over email.  We can read the messages, but asking good questions and listening fully (with ears, eyes, brain) is not possible.

4. There is something about email that tends to put people in one-upsmanship rather than finding common solutions.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen an email-debate escalate, only to find that when the parties pick up the phone or sit down together the issue gets resolved quickly and amicably.  In short, email tends to worsen a disagreement, not resolve it.

So please please please - use email for setting up meetings and exchanging data - NOT for managing differences.  You'll have better outcomes, and fewer hurt feelings to soothe.

Cheri Baker offers workshops on conflict management and effective email for the workplace.

A Holiday Video from Cheri

I thought sending out a short holiday video might be a nice alternative to sending out cards this year.  It's a little silly. Hope you enjoy it!  :)

Abandoning the Culture of Blame

I was talking to an HR leader last week who is struggling with a difficult issue.  His organization has a culture of blame instead of accountability.

How to Identify a Culture of Blame

* The first reaction to a problem is to find out who is responsible.
* People are secretive and territorial.
* There is a lack of willingness to take intelligent risks.
* Information is hoarded, out of fear others will "use it against us."

There are several reasons that a culture of blame is a bad thing.  First and foremost, it tends to get organizations stuck in place.  No one is sharing information, no one is innovating, and everyone is playing it safe.  It's the fastest way to ensure your organization falls behind the curve intellectually and operationally.

Blame-focused organizations also miss out on great opportunities.  People don't try new things, and the best part of mistakes (it's the learning!) are never discovered.  Also, the fear and worry combined with the secretiveness tend to make good performers leave.

Changing a Culture of Blame is difficult.  Here are some tips for when you are stuck in the fray.

1. Reflect back what you see.

Change begins with awareness, and someone has to be the brave one and bring the subject up.

"Have you noticed that every time something goes wrong we tend to focus on finding someone to blame?  I wonder if this helps us or hurts us."

"I worry that people in our company are so afraid to make mistakes that they just don't try anything new anymore."

2. Set an example for others to follow.

This might mean acting less territorial than your peers, empowering your employees to take sensible risks, and talking about the value of learning from our mistakes.

3. Build Alliances.

Find some peers and ask them if they feel that blame is an organizational habit.  Ask them to engage with you in changing the patterns in the company. 

Culture change is not easy, and it usually works best when upper management is involved in the discussion.  Sometimes you just need to do the best with what you have.  We all have the option of changing our own behavior, even when those around or above us are resistant.

Thoughts?

The Dynamics of the All Female Office

OK - I know I'm heading into dangerous territory this week.  Whenever you make generalizations about a group, you risk ticking people off.   It may not be politically correct, but I'd like to talk about the problems that can arise when you are working in an office that is full of women.

Standard disclaimer here - no two groups are the same, and I'm not implying that all female working groups have these issues. But I have observed personally (and through the stories of my clients) that there are certain patterns that tend to arise when a working group is exclusively female.  So let's look at them here:

1) Triangulation-  In plain speech, this means talking behind someone's back.  I don't like how Miranda handled that call, so I'm going to go tell the boss (or a friend) about it, but not talk to Miranda directly.  In bad situations, people call this "back stabbing."

2) Gossip -  Sharing personal information about your coworkers, either in a malicious fashion or without their consent.  Often times gossip is masked as concern, when the real reason is less polite.  For example: "Wow, Suzie had a margarita with lunch and I'm worried about her driving home!"

You can see how gossip can be tricky.  If it's true that Suzie's coworker was worried about her this might be an appropriate statement, but what if she wasn't worried; what if she just wanted to get a reaction?

3) Public Displays of Emotion -  I'd never say that we should be emotionless at work, but in an all female office, you are more likely to see open weeping than in a mixed office. 

4) Cliques - Who is in the "in crowd" this week?  Who has been banished to the "out crowd"?  I've seen this happen with adult women working in an office setting.

If you work in an all female office, and you experience these problems, what can you do?  Here are some tips:

1) Stay focused on your job - what you are there to do.
2) Don't engage in socializing.  Be polite, but socializing becomes a vehicle for these bad behaviors.
3) Don't speak about people who are not present.  (Don't Triangulate)
4) Don't accept "confidential gossip."  If people know you don't want to keep secrets, they won't whisper garbage in your ear.
5) Don't feed the beast.  If someone is trying to "get a reaction" out of you to feed their need for attention, simply don't respond.  Or respond briefly and return to your work.

I hope this post is helpful, and not too offensive.  Not all offices with women are this way, but it's happened often enough that I wanted to bring it up. 

By the way, I do hear that "all male workplaces" have their own unique set of dynamics, but I haven't experienced them, and as such I can't speak to it.  Perhaps the trick is to have diverse groups with men and women present.  It's not that these things won't occur in mixed groups, but the frequency seems to be less.

Any tips/comments on this topic?  Share with us below.

When Things Get Tough: Reflections on Being in a Funk

Friends and Enlightened Leaders:

It's been a weird kind of summer.  Between the stressful process of remodeling and selling our house, the challenges of the current economy, and the bizarre Seattle heat wave (temps of up to 105 degrees), it's been tough to stay motivated lately.  On the entrepreneur roller coaster, sometimes you are going up (Yay!) and sometimes you are going down (Boo!) and lately it's been more boo than yay, if you know what I mean.

So what do you do when you're in a funk?  Here is what works for me.

1) Try to view any downtime as a gift.   When I'm too busy, I crave an afternoon to work on my writing projects, and when I'm less busy, I crave busyness.  So I've been trying to view my downtime as a gift - writing eBooks and preparing content for the launch of my new store and website next month.  I ask myself "How can I best use this gift of time?"

2) Focus on contribution.  Instead of focusing on "poor me" I've been asking myself "What is it that I want to contribute to my clients this year?" and "What do I have to offer?"  When I think about contribution, I get excited, and that gets me motivated.  When I focus on feeling bored, I just feel bored.

3) Get out of your element.  This last weekend, I kidnapped my hubby after work on Friday and drove down to the ocean.  After spending a day reading novels on the beach, making sand castles, and wading in the ocean, I felt renewed and relaxed.  Sometimes you just need a new scene.

I know that the heat wave will pass, the economy will improve (it already is, my phone is ringing and my email is humming), and I'll shortly be wishing for a free afternoon to write.  But meanwhile, I'll try to focus on contribution and being of service.  It snaps me out of my funk and gets me excited again.

If that doesn't work, there is always chocolate and cheesy romance novels.  Right?

Coping with Malicious Rumors, Part II

In the previous post in this series we covered how to identify the source of a malicious rumor in the workplace.  Next, let's look at how to approach the situation.

Once you have identified the source of the rumor, it is time to approach them personally.  Most petty rumor-mongers will back down once confronted, but there are no guarantees.  Some strategies:

Strategy One:  Let them lie, then let them off the hook.

When someone has done something terrible to you, such as spreading a rumor that you have a drug problem, it is fairly likely that they will lie about it.  Sometimes this can work to your advantage.

"John - I wanted to ask you something, but it's kind of embarrassing...."

"I've been hearing that you've been going around telling people I have a drug problem, but I find it really hard to believe you'd do something like that to me....."

(The other person responds with denials, a red face, demands to know your "source.")

"If you say it's not true I'll leave it at that.  But if you hear anyone else spreading that rumor, will you tell them it's wrong?"

Pros/Cons: The downside of this strategy is that by letting the person off the hook you may feel like you're not getting justice.  But it can be a very powerful strategy for the kind of people who spread rumors then get embarrassed that they were caught.  By confronting them, they'll be embarrassed.  Because you let them off the hook, they won't feel cornered.  For many people, this strategy will stop the rumors.

Strategy Two: Direct Confrontation.

"John - we need to talk."

"I understand that you've been telling people I have a drug problem.   I've heard this from two different people who heard you say so in the staff meeting."

(defensiveness, or denials)

"So you're telling me that you never said this?  And that the others are lying?  Why would they lie to me?  What motive would they have to do so?"

"I wasn't there.  But let me be clear, I won't tolerate these kinds of rumors, no matter who is saying them.  I have not taken this matter up with my boss (or HR, or an attorney) YET, but I may have to if this persists.  But I really hope that won't be required, I hope you understand."

Pros/Cons:  This strategy can be risky, as a cornered rumor-monger can behave in unpredictable ways.  It's also necessary that you use a tone which is clear and concerned but in no way threatening or intimidating physically.  The benefit of this approach is that you are outlining what actions you will take if the person continues to lie about you.

Strategy Three:  Retreat with Integrity

In some situations, you might simply be stuck.  This can happen when the source of the lies is a very powerful person, such as your boss, a board member, or the CEO.  When someone has the control over your livelihood and they won't stop lying about you, the best thing you can do may be to leave with your integrity intact.

These situations don't happen often, but when the power differential is working against you, you may need to walk away.  Avoid getting stuck in someone else's game, or playing one-upsmanship.  If you do, you may become tarred with the same brush you hoped to avoid.

Pros/Cons:  On the down side, you may be coping with a loss of a job you love, and a feeling of defeat.   On the plus side, you'll retain your integrity by using the only bit of power you have, the power to leave with your head held high, and to say "I won't put up with this indignity."

Strategy Four: Do Nothing

Pros/Cons: If you do nothing, there is a bare chance that the rumors may dissipate, especially if they are so contrary to your character that no one gives them credence.  On the downside, silence can be seen as assent, and the rumors may flourish.  Sometimes it's appropriate to "do nothing" for a little while to see what happens, before picking a more direct strategy.

In conclusion, malicious rumors are damaging and difficult to cope with.  Evaluate your options and choose wisely.  Remember that while this may be a situation, you can continue to act with dignity and respect, and that no one can influence your behavior without your consent.

Organizational Politics: Coping with Malicious Rumors (Part I)

There have been a handful of times that I've worked with a leader who is coping with malicious rumors in the workplace.  They can be infuriating, embarassing, and even career-limiting.  

"Someone came up to me and asked why I keep sending hate mail to Sharon on her Myspace page.  I'm not even on Myspace!"

"Everyone is saying that I slept with my former assistant.  This is going to kill my chances for promotion, and it's completely untrue!"

"One of my employees asked me what I did last weekend.  I told her that I was gardening.  She said that others claimed I was in rehab.  That is a lie. I am so angry!"

Whenever you are the target of a malicious rumor, the immediate reaction is often hurt, anger, and a desire to lash out.  And yet acting on these feelings can make you seem defensive, not the best strategy for putting things back on an even keel.

Begin by Tracking Down the Source, Gently:

1. Express your surprise or shock, and state the truth briefly.  Be direct, but don't elaborate to the point of defensiveness.

"Wow, I'm shocked to hear that.  That rumor is completely false.  I can't believe that someone would spread that around."

2. Express your desire to get at the root of things, and why it matters to you.

"I need to figure out where this is coming from.  I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, but this rumor definitely could hurt my career."

3. Gently ask for the source.

"Where did you hear this?"

Note: People may be understandably resistant to get involved, even when they told you about the rumor.  There are a few ways to cope with this. 

• Try to keep a level head and speak calmly.
• Tell them that you won't be yelling at anyone, but you do need to get this "misunderstanding" cleared up.
• Appeal to their empathy.  "Put yourself in my shoes - I really need to deal with this."
• Appeal to their reasonableness.  "Do you really need to protect someone who would spread this kind of rumor?  You're doing nothing wrong by letting me clear things up."
• If they still won't budge, offer them anonyminity.  "I won't say where I heard it."  This is less desirable, but better than nothing.

4. Sleep on it.

• Give yourself some time to get a handle on your reaction.  Going in to the confrontation "hot" won't help you.
• Ask yourself if there are any perception issues that could have contributed to the rumor.  Scrutinize your behavior and past statements. 
• Find an ally.  When you do talk to the source of the rumor, you'll want someone to know what you are up to.  This could be your HR person, a boss, or even an attorney.  Document what you heard, from whom, and when.  In the case of career- killing rumors, you'll want to have your ducks in a row.  Write it all down, and keep it at home.

In the next post we'll cover how to approach the source of the rumor.

I Failed. Hard Lessons in Conflict Management

It's been an interesting couple weeks in Cheri-land.  You know that old saying that the universe gives you the lessons you need the most?  Well, I've been getting lots of lessoning lately, and it's not exactly been pleasant, but sometimes that is the way life goes. Live and learn I suppose.

One of the things that I've been struggling with is how to respond when you're in a group undergoing conflict.  It's one thing when you're the boss or the consultant, in those situations your role is clearer and you can obtain a "contract to act", so you have permission to intervene.   But what happens when you are just one peer among many?  What happens when there is no "group leader?"  It gets complicated. 

Without being too specific, I can say that I'm part of a group that is undergoing some conflict.  And when I saw this happen, I decided that the thing that made sense was to lower some of the tension by holding an informal social gathering.  My naive assumption was that a relaxed gathering might provide a "safe space" where relationships could be strengthened and renewed and tensions could be lessened.  Boy was I off base.

So what happened?   It went kerplooey.  Some people felt the meeting was inappropriate and said so.  Others heard that opinion and got angry.   People began talking smack about each other behind their backs.  Uninvolved parties got dragged into the fray.  What a mess! 

And so there I sat, realizing that I had been trying to make a positive difference, and ultimately I just created an environment where things got worse.  I tell you, it's got me thinking.  What did I do wrong?  How did things get so messy?

What I should have done differently:

1) I did some informal polling on whether or not I should have a get-together, but I didn't ask everyone.  In retrospect, I should have been more intentional about getting other opinions before moving forward.  I might have been able to avoid this mess by seeing the warning signs.

2) I assumed that people would respond rationally and calmly to an invitation to meet.  I should have known that when feelings run deep, responses can be rooted in emotion.

3) I have a job where I help people talk about group dynamics and get all that unhealthy junk out in the open and deal with it.  I shouldn't assume that every group I belong to is ready to take those kinds of steps.  People are not always ready to work things out just because I think they should.  My timeline isn't their timeline.

4) Sometimes no intervention is needed.  Sometimes it may be best to let a group disperse tension by finding it's own equilibrium over time.  My effort to balance the scales may have inadvertently disturbed that equilibrium.

The things I struggle with:

I have a very hard time letting things fester.   When I see something that seems off balance, I honestly can't rest easy until I do something to try and even the playing field.  So perhaps I need some reminders that not every situation is one I have permission to fix, or that I don't always get to be the judge of what an even playing field looks like.

I really struggle when people prefer to ignore conflict.  Any inkling of "Let's pretend things are normal" drives me absolutely batty.  Often in a conflict situation everyone "plays nice" in the big group but engages in plenty of side conversations with people they feel an alliance to.  I recognize that this may be human nature, but I can't stand it.  I hate being a party to what feels like underhanded behavior and lies.  It feels better to me to lay it all out on the table, deal with it, and move on one way or the other.  But I suppose I can't expect others to feel the same.

In conclusion:

Sometimes you have permission to address conflict, and sometimes you don't.  If you're not sure if that "social contract" is in place to allow you to take action, it may make sense to spend some time in deep listening with the participants before you try to do anything at all.  Once you've opened Pandora's box, the party may be over.

So that's my post for today Enlightened leaders.  I hope that your day is great, conflict free, and that reading about my goof might spare you some of the same in the future.  It's always nice to learn from your own mistakes, but even better to learn from the mistakes of others!   :)

As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome.