The Enlightened Manager

Contempt, Sarcasm, and other Unholy Tools of Destruction

As leaders, we are human and fallible.  We make mistakes.  Sometimes the mistakes we make live on for a long time.  Particularly when we break trust with our teams.

There are many “issues” we need to respond to in the workplace.  Performance goes off the rails, people behave badly, communication misfires, or drama ensues.  Responding to these challenges takes courage, patience, and an impressive toolbox of experiences and scripts.

One of the assets we build up over time is trust, the willingness of others to believe us and follow us. Today let’s look at a few terrible mistakes that can destroy that trust.

Sarcasm -  You are frustrated with an employee, and so the next time she says she completed a task, you shoot back a sarcastic reply.  “Really?  Miracles do happen!”  

Contempt -  You fly off the handle when you see yet another botched product release, and you call the team into a room and tell them exactly how worthless they all are.

Name-Calling -  You call someone “a loser” or “an incompetent.” (Yes, it will get back to them.)

Rejection – A team member comes to you with an apology or to make amends, and you refuse to listen.

I’m calling these four mistakes out, because I’ve seen how profoundly damaging they can be to an organization.  Why?  These are the kinds of behaviors that are rarely forgotten. They create a deep emotional impression, and they make the recipient lose faith in the manager and the company.

A couple years ago, I was interviewing a team and they all brought up an incident where they were spoken to with great contempt.   This incident had happened three years previous!  But the wound was still fresh.

The impact? They no longer trusted the company, and they had internalized some of that negativity.   They didn’t believe in themselves, and they didn’t see any point in trying to fix what was irrevocably broken.

Since that time, I have seen similar “wounds” festering in other teams.    The impact, both to productivity and to morale, is deeply negative.

So how do you recover?  Again, we are all human.  We all goof up.  Just keep in mind that these “unholy tools of destruction” are hard to recover from.  Avoid these mistakes. Apologize genuinely if you go off the rails.   

Don’t give in to the dark side of the force!  

PS:  Yeah Enlightened Managers, I know I’m preaching to the choir!

Cheri Baker, MA, SPHR is the President of Emergence Consulting. Emergence Consulting's services include Management Coaching, Leadership Development, Team Building, Customer Service and Communication Skills Training and Strategic Planning in the Seattle, WA area. More information on her programs can be found:www.emergenceconsulting.com/

 

Bust out the Tissues: When You’ve Got a Weeper

My clients hate this part. You know, when you’re giving someone helpful performance feedback and they burst into tears? It’s hard to stay focused on performance feedback when it results in tears. A few pointers for those of us who manage a weeper.

“They’re making me feel bad!”

Bullpucky! No one can “make you” feel bad without your consent. Is it good to empathize with the emotions of others? Sure! But tears don’t mean that you are doing something wrong. Your emotional reaction is yours to manage, just like they need to manage theirs.

“They’re trying to manipulate me, or to end the conversation.”

Not necessarily. Some people have a wider range of emotional display than others. While it’s possible (in rare cases) that someone has learned to use tears as a conversation-stopper, it’s not the norm. Assumptions much? 

“They need to control themselves.”

Now we’re closer to the mark. Any of us might have a once-in-a-blue-moon experience of crying at work, but there is a reasonable expectation that employees are able to maintain emotional control. Why? Accepting feedback is part of the job, and we expect professional conduct. If emotions or tears get in the way of professionalism, it’s a performance problem.

Tips for Managers, When Employees Cry:

Check yourself -Are you being loud, abusive, or harsh? No one deserves to be belittled. If you are contributing to the problem, fix that first. Hand them a tissue and pause. Most of the time this will give the person a moment to compose themselves. If you like, you can add “I’m sorry that this upsets you, it’s not my intention.” Once they’ve composed themselves, continued.

Allow for Some Differences -We each have our own comfort level with emotions at work. If you are extremely composed, but your employee “has their heart on their sleeve” don’t judge them too harshly. Allow for a reasonable range of expression.

Inquire -“You seem very upset about this…” can be a mild probing statement. Perhaps there is something going on that you can’t see. Take a break. If this situation is a rarity, you might offer to pick the conversation up later. Don’t do this if they cry every time.

Set Expectations about Emotional Control – “I’ve noticed that you’ve cried the past few times I’ve given you feedback. Why is that? …. I don’t expect you to be emotionless, but it is a problem when your crying means we can’t have a conversation about performance. I need you to be able to listen to me and respond without breaking down. Can you do that?”

Cheri Baker, MA, SPHR is the President of Emergence Consulting. Emergence Consulting's services include Management Coaching, Leadership Development, Team Building, Customer Service and Communication Skills Training and Strategic Planning in the Seattle, WA area. More information on her programs can be found:www.emergenceconsulting.net

Coaching Reflections: Coach as a Catalyst

Ever since I was small, I've hated to feel stuck.  When you can't stay, and you can't go, the feeling of being trapped "in between" can make me feel like every cell in my body wants to revolt.

And yet most of us have moments when we feel stuck.  One of my clients (to the amusement of her team) recently referred to this feeling as "impotency" - and it's a good descriptor.  We want to be potent - to be able to take action.

So what can a coach do about this?

Most of the times in my life that I've been "stuck" it's been because I was unable or unwilling to make the decision that needed to be made.  In those moments, it has often been a conversation with someone I trusted that moved me forward.

Early in my career I had a job that paid very well, but I didn't enjoy it.  I believed that it would be irresponsible of me to quit my job for a lower paying job, and so I just sat there with my misery for far too long.  Ultimately, my unhappiness made me less effective on the job as well.

It was a conversation with a friend that helped me see that the purpose of my career wasn't to make as much money as possible.  Instead, it opened me up to the idea that a career should fuel my needs (food, shelter, medical care) while also fulfilling my emotional needs (happiness, purpose, contribution).

That conversation was a catalyst for change.  I bet you've had conversations like that too, right?

One thing that a coach can do is to help us question our beliefs, particularly when those beliefs are keeping us trapped.

Often these insights seem obvious when we look back at them, but it's amazing how twisted up we can get in our own assumptions.

Are you someone who enjoys those kinds of deep conversations?  If so, that will help you as you coach others. 

Coaching Reflections: A Coach as a Mirror

What does a coach do for his or her client?  One thing a coach can do is to hold up a mirror.  A special kind of mirror, not the false ones we create for ourselves.

"There were times when he thought of himself as a mirror of polished copper Colptha held up in which to admire his own cleverness."

- Morgan Llewelyn, Author

People who fear criticism surround themselves with "yes men" who will always agree and smile.  People who have low self-esteem will surround themselves with those who treat them the way they believe they deserve to be treated.

In short, the people we surround ourselves with says something about who we are, and our beliefs about ourselves. We look for ways of reinforcing the beliefs we already hold.

So what is the value of a coach?

A coach is someone who stands apart from that self-created circle to reflect back the essential truth of things. Not to judge, but instead to offer an untarnished view, and to invite self-criticism and self-analysis.

"This is what I notice.  Do you notice it too?"  "This is what you did.  How did it go?"  "Here are your choices.  Which will you choose?"

In a way, coaching is ridiculously simple!  It's not about giving excellent advice or figuring out the spiffy answer our client missed.  It's about holding up that mirror, and offering compassion and support as they deal with what they see.

That's my 2 cents anyway.  What's yours? :)

Creating Culture Change in Organizations: Part III - Doing it Right

Now that we've looked at what organizational culture is and some of the common mistakes that leaders make when creating a culture change, let's look at some of the factors that make a culture change process go more smoothly.

Remember that force field diagram from the last post?  Here is another one but with very different outcomes (click to enlarge):

Note that in this example, the "negative" forces of employee resistance are still in place. Resistance to change is part of human nature, and so it should always be a part of your planning.  In this example though, the organization has taken affirmative steps to ensure that the end result is a culture change that will actually succeed.

Success Strategy #1: Tapping into Prevailing Strengths

In this organization, employees are confident and think they are already doing very well.  Rather than tell them they are *not* doing well, management has decided to position this change as "one more challenge" that the organization is ready to tackle.  The message of change is there, but it is wrapped in an acknowledgment of the team's strengths.

Success Strategy #2: Building from a Strong Foundation

Before this leadership team launched a major change initiative, they ensured (through surveys) that they were trusted as a leadership team.  In fact, they spent over a year taking steps to improve the trust in the organization before they made significant changes at an employee level.

Success Strategy #3: Engaging the Workforce

While top management had some concrete ideas about what kind of culture changes they wanted to make, they didn't announce them as holy writ.  Instead, they created several focus groups and committees where interested employees (at all levels) could participate in defining the new culture and identifying ways to make it happen.  A consultant facilitated those committees, but leadership was involved, and was pleased that many of the ideas coming out of those committees fit nicely with the goals they outlined as a leadership team.  Those committee members became "early adopters" and evangelists for the new culture.

Success Strategy #4: Reinforcement

After a lot of discussion and information gathering, the company had an authentic set of operating principles that captured the new culture. They already had "fans" scattered throughout the company ready to make them happen.  But they started small, selecting a few key changes that needed to happen, and reinforcing those changes through performance reviews and management training.  Every year for five years they built on those changes, moving from small victories to larger ones.

The result?  An organization with rampant turnover and mediocre employee performance transformed into one of the regions most admired companies.  They did it right.  Are you ready to do it right too?

I hope you enjoyed this 3-Part series on transforming organizational culture.  If you have any thoughts or stories on your experiences with culture change, I'd love to hear them.

Cheri Baker is an organizational development consultant based near Seattle, WA.  You can read more about her services and download free resources at her website.

To learn more about force field diagrams, a diagnostic tool developed by Kurt Lewin, you can find information here or here.

Creating Culture Change in Organizations: Part II - Common Mistakes

In the last post we defined organizational culture and where it comes from.  Today we'll look at culture change and some of the common "rookie mistakes" that organizational leaders make when changing culture.

Mistake #1: Failing to Identify the Forces at Work

No, this isn't a star wars metaphor. :)  In any culture change, there is going to be some resistance.  Leaders need to assess the resisting forces and ensure that they are countered with stronger forces that are driving the change.   For an example of this, see the force field analysis diagram below. (Click to Enlarge)  You can see in this example that there are more forces working *against* the change than for it, so it is likely to fail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mistake #2: Operating in a Trust Deficit

Change, especially big changes (and trust me, culture changes are always biggies) require that followers trust and respect their leaders.  If your current situation is that there is a lack of trust and respect for the management team, it will be very difficult for your employees to set their concerns aside and do the work of change.  If you have a trust or morale problem - handle it BEFORE you launch into culture change.  Why sprint up a hill of sticker bushes when you could mow them down first?

Mistake #3: "Telling" instead of "Engaging"

I wish I could tell you that companies didn't make this damnfool move, but they do sometimes.  Writing down a list of what is expected for the "new culture" and giving everyone a copy is not culture change.  Remember, we are changing attitudes, beliefs, and feelings.  This strategy is like taking a person with anorexia and handing them a cheeseburger and walking away.  Yes, you want to define your new culture - but no, you can't expect that the definition is the final product.

Mistake #4: Lack of Reinforcement

Let's say that one of the hallmarks of your new culture is "being each other's customers" - the idea of treating coworkers like valued customers, with all that this implies.  A lovely idea.  What next?  If your leadership team is ignoring this idea themselves, no one else will live by it.  If you don't put that expectation into your company onboarding, training, and review processes, it is likely it will be forgotten as just another corporate soundbite.

Implied in this is the reality that culture is complicated, and it is the job of leadership to find the simplicity within that complexity.  You can only engage people around so many ideas, and you can only reinforce so many things.  So choose the ideas and attitudes that are really at the heart of what you want to create.

In the next post, we'll look at an example of a company that does culture change right.

Cheri Baker is the owner of Emergence Consulting, and a consultant to organizations on culture change and employee behavior.  You can read more about her and download additional free resources on her website.

Creating Culture Change in Organizations: Part I - Defining Culture

Let me tell you a story.  A few months ago I was working with a manager inside a large organization, and he was perplexed because his CEO kept talking about the importance of culture change, but the term was never defined.  The manager was feeling some pressure because he felt that it was expected that he would create this "culture change" but the whole thing seemed pretty vague.

In this multi-part blog post, I'm going to describe some of the fundamentals of culture change and we'll look at both the *wrong way* and a better way to change the culture of a company.

A Definition of Culture

Edgar Schein, author and org culture guru, defined organizational culture as:

"a pattern of basic assumptions - invented, discovered, or developed by a given group as it learns to cope with it's problems of external adaptation and internal integration - that has worked well enough to be considered valid and therefore, to be taught to new members as the correct way to perceive, think, and feel in relation to those problems."*

Yes, culture comes down to our shared assumptions and beliefs, and our common feelings and thoughts about the work that we do.  You can think of culture as being the "psychology of the organization" - and if you've decided to change your company's culture, perhaps it means that you think your organization needs some therapy.  :)

The Birthplace of Corporate Culture

The birthplace of culture is in the assumptions and thought patterns of it's founders, and later on, of it's leadership team.   If your company was started by a nurse who was motivated to change the quality of healthcare in small communities, you can see how the culture would differ from that of a small software company founded by a brilliant but aggressive young software engineer determined to change the world.

As a company grows, one of two things happens. 

Scenario One:  Company leaders recognize that they love and value the culture of their organization, and they fear that it will be diluted as the company grows.  They seek to formalize the culture that grew organically, and to ensure it remains strong as more people and ideas are added to the mix.

Scenario Two: Company leaders recognize that the culture is not getting them the kind of results they want, and they seek to redefine the culture - to make a new one that is distinct from the personality of the original founders.

What Happens Next?

In either scenario, the leadership team is left with the difficult business of defining the corporate culture and making it real.  In the next blog post we'll look at the common mistakes leaders make when looking at culture change.

Cheri Baker is an organizational development consultant based near Seattle, WA.  As a coach, trainer, and consultant she helps organizations make sustainable improvements in employee behavior and attitudes.  Learn more at her website.

* source: Organizational Culture and Leadership, Edgar Schein (1991)

The Opposite of Stress is not Rest.

I was at a business event last week when one of the speakers remarked that poet David Whyte had made the comment that the cure for stress and exhaustion is not rest, it is wholeheartedness.

I can appreciate that idea.  There are times when I am way too busy with life and it doesn't phase me because I feel complete in all aspects.  There are other times when I'm just a little busy and I feel exhausted and low energy.

Perhaps the antidote to overwork isn't a day off, or another vacation, or a good night's rest, although those things can help.

Perhaps the antidote is that we discover the things that fulfill us, that bring us joy, and that fill in our empty places, and bring more of those things into our lives.

Something to think about.

The Growing Empathy Deficit

The University of Michigan has made an alarming discovery, and it is going to impact you at home and in the workplace.  The finding: Empathy is dropping sharply, at least in American college students, and the trend is likely part of a larger pattern impacting all young people.

Empathy is the ability to sense, understand, and respond to the feelings of other people.  It is an essential life skill that we take for granted, one that is learned through the medium of human interactions and relationships.  When we cannot tell how others are feeling, our ability to communicate with them effectively goes away.

So much of our communication is nonverbal.  So much of communicating strategically comes down to being able to "put ourselves in the shoes" of someone else and respond in a way that fits the situation.  So how will a lack of empathy change our teams?

When we make decisions, we also need to analyze the human reactions that will arise from the different options.  How can we make good decisions when we can't predict the responses of others?

Some look at this trend and have begun talking about the "narcissistic personality" of the incoming generations.  It is a troubling trend, and one that I suspect will be difficult to reverse in adult learners.  I am worried.  Are you?

You can read more about the study and take the empathy test here.

If you are a parent, you can read evidence-based tips for teaching empathy here.

Those Darn Norms!: How Coworkers and Bosses influence Motivation

"Why should I bust my tail when Janet surfs the internet at her desk every day?"

"I'm tired of being the only one who fills out invoicing requests.  No one else follows the rules."

"When Joe yells at work, no one says anything.  I guess that means I shouldn't say anything either."

Today I wanted to write a bit about group norms, and why they matter when it comes to individual motivation and performance.

When I work with a team that isn't thriving, I often hear the kinds of statements listed above.   It may not be rational, but it is very common that we resist taking on tasks and actions that our peers avoid.

Then we run into an issue with perception vs. reality.  If I perceive that my coworker is slacking off, I am going to get angry if my boss asks me to step it up.  If I perceive that my boss doesn't care when bad choices are made, I'm going to feel like I can't speak up either.

In short, our performance and motivation is strongly influenced by our group norms, the unwritten rules that govern how a team operates.

Intellectually, most of us know that saying "If he isn't working hard I can't work hard" is childish, but it runs very much with our human nature.  There is a kind of inertia that sets in when you feel the people around you are not following the rules.

My best advice to a group experiencing performance issues is to strike at the root of the matter.  No only the behaviors that need to change, but the norms that are driving them.

Yes, I am a "training consultant" but as I've said before here, training is only part of the solution.  You need to identify those norms that are holding a group back, point them out in all their ugliness, and help people develop the willingness to challenge them.

Truth be told, it's one of the things I love best about my job.  We can get so paralyzed by those "unwritten rules" that sap our productivity and happiness - It's tremendously fun and rewarding to pull the cover off the ugliness and empower people to change it.

Consulting is one of those rare careers where bold honesty and calling things out (tactfully) for what they are is rewarded.  I never was very good at keeping my mouth shut just to keep others happy. Just ask my husband! :)